Why I’ve Pretty Much Given Up

On dating…

No, I’m not becoming one of these bitter men that hate women, though there was a time in my life where I was. I’ve grown tired of the search. Online dating is only leading me to dead ends. Most of the demographic are single moms. I have NOTHING against them, all I am going off of is past experience, and based off that I’d rather not go down that road again. Are they all going to be the same? Surely not, but wisdom says when you keep going down the same road, you get the same results.

I’d say that a good 86% of women in the world of online dating, either already have kids and don’t want to have anymore. Or quite simply don’t want to have kids or cannot have them. Which is a different context. It leaves me though, being thirty six and still living with the desire to have kids of my own some day.

The dating world is quite frustrating, because there’s two categories, category one is all the dating tips that one can get from so called experts on YT. But in reality, almost none of it actual works. Then there’s the second category which simply tells a person to simply be themselves. This also is a load a crap!

You know how many times I’ve tried being myself when dating a woman? Lots, and guess what it fails me every single time. Or so I thought, you see being a genuinely nice guy is great as long long as one is actually authentic about. My problem was, I never had the guts to speak my mind even if it meant rocking the boat.

This took me a while to learn, but I’m extremely thankful for learning the lesson none the less. Another part of me feels as though, that I’m simply not in a healthy position to date currently. It really, really, sucks having cerebral palsy and living in your parents house. Though, that hasn’t always been a problem. It sucks to have as a potential road block, though there are plans to move out. But the state of COVID, that’s taken a back seat.

To add to the equation, I simply don’t make the amount of money that women desire a man to have these days. I make my money through the avenues of personal training, writing and teaching self defense. For some reason that last one always gets me a weird look like “you.. teach martial arts… You making money doing that?” Yes, I do, and why that bring a smile to a woman’s face is beyond me. Knowing that he not only knows how to handle himself, but makes others safer too.. But I rest my case.

One might also suggest that I find someone like myself. Been there done that and I’m fairly certain I’d never do it again. I’ve done long distance before as well, and my heart longs for someone I can see and touch in a close radius. Yet, in all of this, there has been a peace and contentment that I never thought I’d find.

I don’t need a woman to make me happy, to have a sense of mission in life. I don’t need a woman to comfort me either. My faith and walk with God has gotten stronger, I like who I am and where I’m going in life. I do want someone to spend my life with though, however I’m simply not sure how it would workout. As mentioned before though, there’s two kinds of people: One says that you gotta go out there and get what one is looking for. And the other says (and which I find appealing) says that only God can bring you a wife.

The reason that I lean toward the second option, is largely because I’ve been on the pursuit before. And my God does it get exhausting quick. To be very blunt, I’m happy not dealing with drama, being happy with me as a person one moment, and then the next being unsure or completely losing it all together.

Is it even possibly to find someone who is fairly balanced out? I don’t know, what I do know is that I’m probably going to piss a few off with my prior statement. Oh well though. I know everyone has their crap and every relationship has problems, but I’m just tired of experiencing what I have over and over again.

Lastly, my parents tell me to stay single, but that is largely because they have their own pain. And my experience is not their own. I’m not really sure where the road will lead me, but I do know this, I am happy and complete. And where ever God leads I’m open to it.

Reflections On Psalm 1:4-6

Not so the wicked!
    They are like chaff
    that the wind blows away.
Therefore the wicked will not stand in the judgment,
    nor sinners in the assembly of the righteous.
6For the Lord watches over the way of the righteous,
    but the way of the wicked leads to destruction.

In Psalm 1:4-6 the psalmist David switches back to speaking about what it will be like for the wicked who do not follow God. His words ae not very PC according to our current cultural standards. Nor would they be seen as loving or all inclusive. However, I am going to argue that the words of David are more loving than many of us are willing to see or admit. In our current Christian climate, we desire for everything to be relevant and cool, a lot of what we know as the gospel or good news of God hardly offends anyone anymore. It seems like some pastors would rather be cool and be liked rather than preaching a sobering message. Now, myself included, I have spent a lot of time writing about the mad love of God, and how much God loves you and that it doesn’t matter how many times you sin, you can run to him for forgiveness. That is very real and true in my own life, and it’s something that I want to be real and true in the lives of others.

            However, even though God is slow to anger, abounding in love and faithfulness. He is also just, which then means there will be a day, where people who have not placed their faith in God, will stand in account. But it will not be the same judgement that Christians go through, which is what I believe he is getting at in the first part of verse five. They will be like a chaff blown away by the wind, he says in verse four. Again, this can be seen by many as unloving, cruel and whatever other words you wanted to interject.

But if God is slow to anger, abounding in love and faithfulness, and if it is his kindness that leads us to repentance. That must also mean that he gives us humans, countless chances to acknowledge him as savior and king. Countless. To me, simply waking up in the morning and seeing the beauty of nature is enough for me. Paul talks about this very concept in Romans 1, of course its much deeper of an issue than that, but that’s maybe for another time. All I’m trying to say, is that if a person at the very core of who they are, doesn’t want God (and God knows that) it only makes sense that  God would give them what is actually desired. Be assured though, God does not get off on doing this, it grieves him and it should grieve us Christians as well. It should cause us to want to share the gospel with a broken and lost world. In verse six, having the understanding that the lord watches over his sons and daughters, we should only live in that in response to the amazing and gracious gift that he has given. Which is the ability to be called beloved sons and daughters. Once again, this is not because we are amazing, but because he is. This should cause us to live sober, and embrace his amazing grace. Whilst remember who we once were without him. And also be willing to share him with others.      

Reflections on psalm 1:1-3

Reflections on Psalm 1:1-3

Blessed is the one
    who does not walk in step with the wicked
or stand in the way that sinners take
    or sit in the company of mockers,
but whose delight is in the law of the Lord,
    and who meditates on his law day and night.
That person is like a tree planted by streams of water,
    which yields its fruit in season
and whose leaf does not wither—
    whatever they do prospers.

The psalms have been an anchor for my soul in the last several months of my life. Many Christians turn to the psalms, and for good reason. Beyond the reality of beautiful poetry, one can find many emotions within each poem. Anger, sadness, rejection, loneliness, feeling forsaken, grief, despair and much more. It came to my attention, that my focus turns to the psalms around the fall season. Perhaps it’s the beauty of the season that make the words of the psalms truly capture my attention. I’d like to attempt to make a trek through the psalms, and share my reflections. I’m not going to make any promises, because I know that perfection will not be visible in this exercise.

That being said, lets start with the first three verses of Psalm 1:     Blessed is the one
    who does not walk in step with the wicked
or stand in the way that sinners take
    or sit in the company of mockers,

Blessed. We are blessed if we don’t not follow the path of the wicked. Now, what does it mean to be a wicked person? In one sense, its living in direct opposition to God and the mandate the he has laid before us. Before I had a collision course with Christ, this was me. So, in no way am I implying that I’m better than anyone else, nor is that the actual intention of the scriptures. In my opinion, being wicked simply means to do things for purely selfish reasons and gain. Again, this was me before becoming a new creation, I did everything to make myself feel good and my gain. Not caring about the soul of another. The result for me was that my soul began to wither and I did not prosper, as it says in verse three. In simple terms, when a soul begins to wither, they have no color or fail to be vibrant. The same way the leaf looks stunning in the fall. The soul that withers is not living as they ought to be.

The tree planted:     

That person is like a tree planted by streams of water,
    which yields its fruit in season
and whose leaf does not wither—
    whatever they do prospers.

This section of the psalm stuck to my heart in a profound this, mainly because this tree is stable. Even in the changes of seasons, it does not fret because it knows that it will be taken care of. Now, I am not saying that a tree has emotion, but more metaphorically speaking. We humans have a very hard time being stable. We easily worry and give in to worry and every other desire and emotion when life becomes difficult.  Emotion is not wrong or bad, frankly emotions are a gift from God. However, when we constantly let our lives be led by them we fail to bare fruit in seasons. We don’t thrive. Rather than being dominated by emotion, we should learn to filter and delay our emotions. The opposite of that is constantly freaking out and always being in a state of panic. Is that how you truly want to live?

Furthermore , it is my belief that this part of psalm one is telling us to trust that the very God who planted us. Will not leave us to be destroyed by the various storms of life, but that he will not leave us and always-always provide for us. He feeds us, clothes us the same way he provides for the sparrows. The path of Christ is narrow, and sometimes in life our souls can wander, we get beat up spiritually, we doubt and yes sometimes we can find ourselves on the other side of the road where we are not meant to be. But, if your tree is rooted in Christ, he will never allow you go too far off the path. He’s amazing like that.   

Meeting Death- Are We Really Ready?

I’ve thought about death a lot, primarily my own death. No, this is not to be taken in a morbid context. The fact remains, for all of us. One day we will die, it is not a reality that we can run from. At least in this life. As a kid, I was raised with the philosophy of reincarnation, though my understanding of it was not the actual understanding. Many Americans submit to the definition that they will come back as something or someone else. When it all reality, it is a system based on karma and how well a person lives his or her life. In short, if a person has lived a crappy life, they have to make it up in the next.

The process goes on and on, until a soul reaches a state of perfection and then suddenly becomes nothing. Stop for a second or two and think about that…. We could never know if we have done enough good to over-right our wrongs. For me in my own life and in this current season of life, I think of two concepts or realities:

A. Standing before God
B. Knowing that I didn’t live a full life.

As I have taken a deep dive into the teachings of stoicism, I’m simply amazed at how brave they were in the face of suffering and death. Suffering was something that they accepted as a part of life, they faced it with dignity, grace and even let suffering teach them lessons and mold them into stronger souls. They admitted that life wasn’t fair, but again it was a reality that they accepted and still lived for what they called the highest good. They still lived a life of virtue. That speaks to me in ways that my heart and mind cannot simply express. At the end of my life, God is my highest good and I have to stand before him, it wont be about how much good I’ve done, because he is what makes make me good, he is what makes me have right standing with him. It is all about his kindness and grace. Still though, I fear God saying to me “Brandon, my son, you didn’t do enough good with your life.” I simply couldn’t imagine anything else more haunting than that.

That idea though, I believe stems from the fact that deep inside I haven’t reached my full human potential. In my estimation, there hasn’t been a deeper pain in my life. I hide this pain a lot. But it haunts me on a daily basis. Some days I’m truly happy and at peace. Other times the quiet despair, depression and anxiety seem to overtake me without a shed of mercy. I’m always asking “have I done enough?” “Have I done enough to please God?” I’m always looking at my life compared to someone else. Which is not right, but I do it anyway.

Life seems like an uphill battle towards greatness and potential, which is fine, but other times it’s a though I’m fighting not to drowned. There are not answers that can readily be given. I just think that we should live more sober, and think about what our lives might mean. Consider the time you have left, what you might need to do still, and who you want to be with that time that is left. Because it’s not as much as we’d like to believe.

What The Croods Can Teach US

The other night, my niece suggested that we all watch a movie called The Croods, not knowing much about it, we sat down on the couch, with pop corn all being snuggled up together. As we began to watch the movie, I began to jot down some notes on what the movie spoke not only to me, but maybe many of us as well.   

Going without food-fasting: Being that the croods family, was a caveman based life style, they had to physically hunt for their food. They couldn’t simply go to a store a buy countless options of food as we can, not saying that that is bad thing. But that they had to earn what they ate, and sometimes that didn’t get to eat at all. In one scene, after they gathered food, there wasn’t any left for the father, so he simply says I ate last week. This to me was crucial, because we Americans are used to eating three plus times a day or more. So the Idea that we might be able to eat once a week, is scary to us. But the reality is we’d be just fine, going without food sixteen, twenty four or even seventy or longer. Isn’t going to kill us, in fact there is a lot of health benefits from fasting.

Mental Toughness: a long with the father not eating for a prolonged period time, I also noticed how mentally tough he was. He had to be to protect, lead, love and protect his family. The mom was pretty bad ass in her own right and exhibited a lot of the same attributes as the father did. In being mentally tough, he also was very self-sacrificing and made sure that his wife and kids were provided for first.   In our own lives we all could be more mentally tough, we’re so used to comfort and having things as we want them. But even in letting in the slightest bit of discomfort in our lives, will only lead to  more personal growth. After all, growth is found in the abyss of discomfort.

Discipline: The father was a man of discipline, teaching his kids that if they lived by the rules they will live. It may seem as though the father was only being rigid, but sometimes in order to have the best life it involves the narrow and disciplined path. In the Christian tradition, God says that if you follow my rules you will live. When Gods people followed the Lords command their lives were prospered one hundred fold. And when they didn’t, their lives were disordered and full of chaos. Discipline and leading on the narrow path can lead to the ultimate freedom and inner happiness. But.. There was a downside to how disciplined the father was, in his discipline and wanting to protect, love and lead his family. He was quite smothering, and didn’t let his kids have fun in the process. To let them be, to grow and discover who they are.

I myself am not a father yet, but if I am one day, I’m sure that there will be a very similar predicament in my life. Where there will be a desire to protect my children from danger, to not let anything or anyone hurt them. But eventually, I know that my grip will not have to be as taught. Yet here is an interesting concept, God is kind of the same way. Think about, he lets us make mistakes and even do things that do not please him (sin). It may grieve him, he may then discipline us, but it is a discipline that is filled with love. And he will always take us back.        

Becoming A Man With Balls (Not Just Testicles)

Every man has testicles, but not every man has balls – George Bruno (Man in blog image)

I know that the above quote might be a bit bold and even provocative, but the words of Mr. Bruno truly resonate with me. As someone that frequents his YouTube channel, he as an older man has a ton of great things to younger men like myself. Young men and men in general need someone older and wise to speak into their lives and help them to develop into strong, confident and know how to conduct themselves in life.

When I heard the above quote, my first reaction was shock, as in there was no way he just said that. But after the quote circulated through my mind, the more his words rang truer as time went on. A lot of men have testicles, in the sense that they know how to have sex with countless women, or watch countless hours of porn and not know how or have any desire to commit to one woman.

Whereas a man with balls knows and learns how to control his urges, he learns to master himself and ultimately is able to give himself to a woman that he deems worthy. Men with just testicles are riddled with fear when it comes to facing the harsh realities and challenges of life. While men with balls are willing to be brave and figure out a way to overcome the adversity.

I’m sure that there are many more examples that could be given, the more important question to ask though, is how does a man become a man with not just testicles-but balls? That’s a great question to ask ourselves as men. As mentioned about, learning to control our sexual urges is a great start. Life is not simply where the penis goes, but learning to be a man that a deeper sense of self to him. Learning to control our urges is one of the best missions a man can embark on. It truly is worth it as time goes on. Another way a man can learn to live with balls, is to conquer his health. Stop eating the crappy foods, eat more steak and greens, do some sort of resistance training whatever that is. Build lean muscles, melt the body fat and learn to fast even if it’s for sixteen-eighteen hours a day. Your confidence will rise because of it.

Next, a man with balls learns to be alone. Not depending on women to fill his cup. A man with balls is at peace with himself and doesn’t need anything else to make him happy or have a sense of purpose and worth. This can take some time to master as well, but when as men we realize that we can be happy in ourselves, we are able to handle darkness far better when it comes hunting for us.

Men also- with balls are at peace with God. They are in right standing with the king of the cosmos and find all they are in him. I know that some of my readers don’t believe in God. But for me, being in right standing with God leaves a man knowing who he truly is and where his happiness truly resides.

Lastly, a man should know how to fight to some degree or another. He should have some skills in boxing or jiujitsu. Both sills together are an amazing combo, imagine hitting like Mike Tyson and having the ability to calmly restrain someone even using the most basic of BJJ skills. A man with these skillsets is calm and knows only to use physical violence as a last resort. He doesn’t go around puffing his chest out showing how tough he is.
These are only the tip of the ice berg, of how a man with testicles can become a man with balls. The purpose of this blog, is to get men to become the best men they can be. Not settling for mediocrity but conquering themselves and the vices that stand in their way.

What Does It Mean To Be A High Value Man?

What is a high value man? Better yet, what is a high value person?

There is often a lot talk in the red pill community, in regards to being a high value man. Most of the defining terms for it, consists of having more money and being more appealing in the “sexual market place”. While having more money and physical appeal is not a bad thing, that can’t be all there is.

Moreover, and what I have been very passionate about over the last several months, is how do men like myself become more high value? Even within the context that they find themselves in. For instance, it can be very difficult to go out and meet people, so you are on social media a lot, or dating sites. Maybe no matter how man jobs you’ve applied for you can’t seem to land a job.

Worse yet, maybe you feel as though no one would ever find you attractive and want to be with you. That’s a very rough and defeating place to be. I’ve been there myself and sometimes those thoughts still creep up in my life. What I have discovered though and what has helped me fight off that heavy perspective of myself, is having a radical acceptance of myself.

Now, that in no way means just coasting though life, without making improvements on the self. No, a radical self -acceptance simply means that one recognizes that they are loved, valued, worthy of respect and dignity first. Before going your better half in life. It means being at peace with yourself first, and not relying on someone else to provide you peace and try and “fix you” in some way. As you find a radical acceptance in the self, that should then motivate you to go after a higher calling in life, which could be one of many things. It should motivate you to want to improve yourself in every single way humanly possible. Try losing weight, gaining muscle tone, becoming stronger mentally and emotionally. Getting right with God. This is what it means holistically to be a high value man-person. You can all of these things. You just have to be willing to work at it, every single day. No matter how long it takes!

Don’t Wait Around (Small Relationship Advice)

I can remember being in junior high,

there was a girl,

her name was Molly.

Molly was cute, with brown hair and freckled skin.

Yours truly had a crush on her.

One day after school,

there she was at her locker…

So, something sprung up inside me “I should ask her out”.

And so I did.

And she told me, without even looking at me. “I have a boyfriend, but you’ll be the first to know.”

At first I was crushed, but when she said you’ll be the first to know there was a sense a hope. Maybe she would come around I thought.

But as time went on, nothing changed.

The lesson was, don’t allow yourself to be someone else back up plan. Have the fortitude and respect for yourself to know that you deserve better. And find someone that actually wants to be with you.

Its Ok To Be Alone

Todays message is simple.

Its okay to be alone.

I’m not going to die because I’m single at 35 still.

Neither are you.

Its okay.

Learn to be okay, just to be with you and your thoughts.

Figure out who you are.

Love yourself: in the sense that you can be happy within yourself and not constantly need someone to validate you.

It’s not wrong for someone to add to your journey, but it was a never another souls job to save you from yourself.

Be alone.

Get to know yourself,

Be satisfied with you.

Be at peace with the past

and dare to dream of a brighter future.

Rethinking Success-For The Better

How do we define success?

How we answer this question, is more vital than we think or have allowed ourselves to believe. It is also imperative to our health and well-being. When we think about success, we typically think about how much money we have in the bank, how padded our retirement will be. The degree of education we have, where we live, who were married to. Even the level of health we have. These things, though they do carry a certain level of importance. I don’t believe that they are actually the most vital measure of success.

Think about it, does money actually make us happy? It can, but only for a fleeting moment. For me personally, I know that there is a huge propensity to always want more and more of it. And I know that I can’t take it with me when I die. Further, money cannot truly provide a real sense of joy and inner happiness. Even with a ton of money it can still make a person completely miserable. Unless you have a sense of peace and joy that is beyond financial comfort.

The same goes even with education, you can be the educated most of human beings. But if your education causes you look down on others who are less educated. Has it really done that much for you? You can the highest levels of education, and in the quiet of your mind and soul still compare yourself against someone one else. In my life, I hold having a college degree as a big deal. Because I was told that I was never smart enough for it, and I had to fight my way to get there, as well as finish.

The things that deem as being a success, might actual be doing us more harm than good. Just look at people around us, most of us hate the jobs we have, most don’t feel like we have discovered any sort of real passion and passion. We’ve been fed so many lies about what success actually is.

You know what I’ve come to realize though? While none of the things that I mentioned above are bad. I have come to the understanding that, if I can go through out my day, knowing that I’ve helped someone, woke up and managed to control the thoughts that come in and out of my head. I’ve succeeded, its been a good day! Do I stop striving an aiming up? No, but sense I’ve taken on this new perspective on success in my own life. I’ve been able to breath a lot easier and go through my life with so much more joy and peace.