The story of David and Goliath, a story that people perceive as a metaphor or a real life event that took place between a small framed boy (probably close to being a teenager) who truly didn’t have much to offer, based on worldly standards. He didn’t come from a wealthy family, wasn’t even the most popular among his peers. He only tended to sheep and made music with strings.
He would be the last person that anybody would think of to face the large giant that was Goliath. Goliath was the opposite of David, he was a man that people feared, looked up to and one that appeared to never taste defeat. Even though David didn’t come from much, even though he wasn’t the largest he was the bravest. And his heart was larger than anyone around him.
Sure, David had his own problems and hang-ups, but I often feel as David probably did as a youth. I’ve often felt incredibly small in this world, despite talents, passion’s and longings to help others. It’s easy to feel like you can keep sliding down the ladder.
The thought came to me as I was stepping out of the shower, that even though I may appear to be small in the world’s eyes I am like a giant in God’s eyes. Remember that when
no one else see’s you. God does and he loves you.
Martial arts has been a huge part of my life for nearly thirty-two years, I’ve always been a student and gleaned from what other systems had to offer. I’ve gotten to train and earn certifications of instructorship for some of Bruce Lee’s original students. I’ll always be a student of the game.
I have also loved being able to teach others, and see a joy appear their faces from being able to learn a new skill or do something they never thought they could do before with their bodies. Being a teacher has given me a great sense of accomplishment and a sense of purpose.
Throughout my teaching journey, however, I have seen students come and come. I’m sure that this is most common among many schools and instructors. What burdens my heart though is that I can never keep me anyone around. I have gone from having almost twenty students in my college self-defense class to only three or four. Watching the flux of students from a close vantage point has caused me to look inward.
Am I doing something wrong?
What could I be doing better?
Is there something in me that people don’t like?
Or the tougher question: Am I meant to be an instructor?
All of these questions have moved through the landscape of my emotions. I have envisioned my owning my own school someday, but if I can’t even keep one student what good is it? I’d hate to close down a school because of a mass drop out rate. I honestly am starting to wonder if this passion inside me is the worth the risk.
Seasoned instructors would tell me to keep pushing forward no matter what, and knowing myself, that’s what I’ll do. I just don’t know when things will start looking up and stay steady for once.