Month: October 2015

Noticing The Unseen War

What I am about to say, might freak some readers out. I pray that isn’t the case, but as of late there has been a strong sense of an evil presence. One that wants to destroy everything in its path. In the Christian world view (which is how I see the world), there is a enemy that rises up against everything good, holy and pure.

Christians call him, the devil, satan and so on. I’m not sure I subscribe to the idea of a little red guy with horns and pitch fork. But more so a dark, looming character that whispers lies quietly into the minds of people. If you have ever seen the passion of the Christ, that is very much how I imagine the devil being and acting.

But one might argue, “how can you still believe in that? Haven’t we moved on?”

I’m not so sure, I’m not sure how anyone could deny that there is a war going on between good and evil. This is what we call spiritual warfare. Over the last several years, I haven’t given this concept much thought. Yet if I take a close look at my life, I sense that Satan is out to destroy friendships, cause disunity and causing people to look away from the king of the universe.

Scripture speaks very clearly about not giving the enemy a foothold (EPH 4:7). I am very guilty of this, as a follower of Christ I am meant to live in step with the spirit and produce spiritual fruit. Further more, as a Christ follower I a created to armor up against spiritual attack (EPH 6).

like the disciples of Jesus, I have fallen asleep and have not been watchful. Thus, the enemy attacks and moves while my spiritual eyes are covered. As christians, it can be easy to feel powerless, but the Lord has granted us constant access to his presence and given us the sword of the spirit.

I have forgotten that the Lord created a warrior inside me, I have forgotten that there is a sword that I can always take up in times of battle. Its time we open our eyes to the battle waging around us.

“For our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the powers of this dark world and against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms.” Ephesians 6:12

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While This Fucking Sucks (Further Thoughts on Depression)

Depression fucking sucks, there’s not many other ways that I can accurately describe hoe much I hate living with it. To anyone that is offended to my choice of use of the words, I’m sorry, but right now the word fuck is a great release for me. I honestly don’t wish depression on anyone regardless of the severity.

For me, the depression starts rolling around this time of year, normally I am in awe of falls beauty. Yet for some reason, I just simply shrug my shoulders and think “eh, its just leaves falling off trees”. Normally the autumn is when I feel most in tune with Gods spirit, but that even seems dry to me.

I try and smile, but I can’t. I try and find joy in things, but I can’t. The only thing that I want to do is curl up in bed with my dog and sleep this season away. One of my favorite singer/song writers has a lyric that says:

“Wake me when it’s spring time in Heaven, when I’m strong enough to walk in your ways”

(Song here: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Zqf55ogCfuk)

I feel like I have no strength in this season, (so God if your listening I could really use some help). Even with all the good that is happening in my life, joy is far from my heart. Scary huh?

So then, what do I (or what do you do?) Well, sleeping things off for a bit is perfectly fine, but then get up, let your feet hit the floor and remember why you do things. Why your chasing certain dreams and goals. We are nothing without hope and purpose.

Keep inching toward the warmth at the end of tunnel, don’t be afraid to scream for help. There are people that care for you and love, I promise, and while this fucking sucks. Things will get better. Don’t miss the value that can come from these current struggles.images

Walking Into The Dark Nights

I haven’t written in quite some time, college life has been at the forefront of my life. Everything else, except my faith falls further down the list. There have also been other issues as well. One of which is depression, often around this time of year the depression seems to wrap its arms around me in a un-wanted bear hug. Its tight and heavy all at the same time.

It becomes difficult to keep the perspective or outlook on life that I normally encourage others to have. It becomes increasingly difficult to get out of bed each time. Yet like a robot, my feet hit the floor, I shower, get dressed, brush my teeth and go on with my day.

I force myself to not isolate myself from others, but it is all the more tempting to shut down and with draw into the dark nights of the soul. The tears seem to fall from no where and no reason, yet it feels good to release and let go. The second layer to this season is the ever increasing amounts of anger. I don’t remember being filled with such anger and frustration. Probably not since I was a punk kid.

But I can’t deny this time in my life, as much as I wish I could switch things off, I realize that the only thing I can enter these dark nights holding the flame of God in my hands. In the words of the prophet Isaiah:”The people who walked in darkness have seen a great light; those who dwelt in a land of deep darkness, on them has light shone.” (9:2, ESV)

I wish that there were easy answers, solutions and satisfying blanket statements. But there aren’t, sometimes life is a really pain deep in the gut. Sometimes all you can do is scream and find ways to cope. But I also hold fast to the belief that God gives a shit. He has and always will. Its our choice to open ourselves up to him and let him do what he will as the grand artist of our souls.

Hang on, hold fast. This season will pass and the warmth will some embrace us again. In the mean time, embrace all the chances for growth, intimacy and community. In this we find our strength and purpse.images