It’s Back…

I can feel the depression setting in again, it has been for the past few weeks. It’s like an unwanted guest trying to take of space in your home when they’re not wanted. There have been moments where I have lost interest in things that made me happy, in those moments I’d rather eat ice cream, drink beer and sleep.

I’m not trying to glorify the depression, I’m only trying to express what a bitch it is. Depression is never  simple or easy to bring resolution to, in my experience, it needs to be  met with heavy love and hope.

Normally when I am faced with depression, the only thing that I want is for a friend to put their arm around me, to tell me they care, that they love me and that I’m worth it. Quite honestly, I haven’t had a love like that for many years. Ever since my friend Garret moved away, got married etc. Things changed drastically. Garret used to hang out with me all the time,  take me places and remind me of who I was.

I miss that, so very much. These days my days are spent attempting to seek the type of community and connection my heart desires, after all, the golden rule of all life and religion, is to treat others how you would want to be treated. In the words of Bono and U2 “I still haven’t found what I’m looking for”.

Maybe the honest to God truth is that I’ll never find a friend like Garret again, and I just have to be okay with it. But he will always be the example of how to treat and care for others. Sometimes I just feel like selling all I have and going somewhere where people who are in need of a friend, a touch, a huge and warm words for the soul.

I would rather give my heart to people who wanted than to live wondering if I mattered.  The one factor that I have found that truly fights this evil monster of depression, is a purpose. Give a person the smallest hint of light and watch what they can do it. I know that this isn’t always the case, but it almost seems as though that something changes in the soul and even brain chemistry. When a person knows that they might be able to little less dark than when they found it, is truly powerful.

I just am tired of feeling like I am but a memory in this world, I miss being able to smile and meaning it, I miss feeling like there was a dragon to be slain. I miss feeling like a warrior..









Disabled Girl VS TSA, My Thoughts

As a person living with cerebral palsy, I naturally see myself as an advocate for others living with it and others with various special/adaptive needs. Often times this means that a vast majority of my time is spent empowering others to live the fullest and richest lives possible.

On the other hand, being an advocate also means that I speak out against injustice. So when the story of a 19-year-old disabled girl being tackled by the TSA started making waves, my anger arose quickly (link here:), this young woman was traveling with her mother and had just finished her last treatment for a brain tumor.  On top of undergoing treatment for a brain tumor, she was also said to be partially blind and deaf.

Now, though I have never had to go through treatment for any sort of tumor, by the grace of God. I would assume that this woman was wiped out from treatment and simply wanted to go home. If I’m wrong please correct me. But as the story plays out, the mother and daughter had made this same trip numerous times before. And never did they experience any difficulty. This time around, however, it was a different story, the young woman apparently set off a metal detector and was also confused by a search that was being conducted by TSA agents.

The mother tried to explain to TSA agents of her daughter’s conditions, it appeared that they simply had little regard for what the mother was trying to communicate to them, so when they daughter apparently tried “runny away” TSA guards tackled the young woman to the ground, as a result the young woman hit her head on the ground causing her head to split open.

Others have commented that the picture of the accident  is worse than it seems, that people like myself are blowing things out of context. The fact is the only response that TSA has at the moment, is that people with various needs can call ahead of time. The only  problem is that her mother stated that she did inform TSA, she even informed agents as things began to get a bit chaotic.

In my opinion, this whole situation could have been avoided, if TSA actually took into consideration what the mother was trying to communicate about her daughter’s needs. If they were still unclear of how to handle the situation, they could have easily made contact with a supervisor to gain further clarity… Instead, this tragedy had to happen. What upset me the most, is as a physically challenged person and someone who has flown a good amount, I have never had any problems with the TSA, they have always been professional and as kind as they can be.

I cannot even think of another time in history where something of this nature happened before. I believe that the biggest lessons that can be gleaned from this situation is communication. In that even if the mother didn’t inform TSA ahead of time and simply told them at the gate, something still could have been done that would have allowed for things to be handled in a sensitive manner.

This is in my opinion uncalled for regardless of what angle one chooses to spin it on. There must be firm consequences.