Within the pages of scripture, there is a man by the name of Enoch. The amazing thing about him and his life, is that God swept him up from this life never to be seen again. He never appeared to be depressed or suicidal, but he was a great man of faith.
I find myself longing for the same. Now to be clear, I am not suicidal but I find myself with a deep longing to be with God. To actually see him, for all that he is. Moses wanted to see Gods glory but in the end only saw his back.
Why? Because if Moses saw the Lord in all his glory and majesty, I think he would fall over dead because it would be too much to take in at once. I simply wanted to rest against the heart of God and have no other care in the world. Just myself and God. Forget everyone else.
Yes, I know that God loves of his people, but sometimes I wish to go in the throne room and shut the door. Just the Lord and I. This line of thinking is completely and utterly selfish I know. But it’s where I’m at in life. I’m tired and weary and long for home. Home, where there is no pain, no selfishness, corruption and hate. Only perfect love, safety and pure joy.
Scripture tells us that we have a friend that sticks closer then a brother, I find that to be captivatingly beautiful. I try to implement that same type of love and loyalty in my life to those around me. Because it is what Christ would have done. We are to live as Christ did.
He knows we will fall, just as baby falls as they learn to walk. But he must become our example, it’s extremely draining when you don’t receive that same love in return. In moments like this, we must remember that on the cross Jesus was utterly forsaken by his father and the people that swore to never leave his side.
His father turned away, so that those who would trust in him may never be alone. On the other hand, he (Jesus) knows how deeply in the pain goes when you have been left alone. As true and as rich as this may be. Honestly, it doesn’t seem like enough. It saddens me to say this, but I must be honest. It honestly may never be enough until I am in the Lords presence in perfect harmony.