Between Worry and A Dream

Anybody else wrestle with worry?

I do.

People have various responses to worry, some believe its self centered, others believe it is wrapped in arrogance. Others assert that it is due to lack of spiritual center and putting ones trust in the wrong person, place or thing to find ones sense of satisfaction and fulfillment. I don’t think that many of these perspectives can honestly be argued with. But none the less, the reality of worry is a real one.

And today, its almost crippling for me. My chest is heavy and my stomach feels like it’s in knots. I know I’m not crazy, even though I often feel like it and this isn’t simply something in my head that can be easily dealt with by a simple solution.

Rather it requires time and albeit faith to know that you will make to the end of this discomfort. But making it to the end is not something we can muster on our it. It requires asking for help and finding the right people that will actually listen and understand. Not simply dealing out blanket statements.

For me, my worry comes from the dreams that are placed before me. I want to start a non profit. I want to put a team together, but what if I put a team together and nobody sticks with me? Will I keep fighting and moving forward.

This dream is so much bigger then me… I want to help people, I want to be a good friend, husband and father someday. But what if all of it blows up in my face based on mistakes that I have made in my life? I know I can’t control everything around me. But dammit it would be nice to know that others are willing to come along side me for the long hall.

Francis of Assisi once wrote:

“Lord, grant me the strength to accept the things I cannot change,
the courage to change the things I can,
and the wisdom to know the difference.”

As I said, I can’t control the future of what choices and actions others decide to make. But I can work on me. I can learn ways to cope with this anxiety. I can learn that irrational thoughts are simply that if they have no proper founding. I can learn to address them with the right people.

I only refuse to give in to societies treatment of mental illness, preferably from Christian circles that inform you of your little faith or how you can pray away the anxiety. And not from secular professionals that say that you only need medication. In actuality, a holistic approach is greatly needed in my view. Because a human being is not simply just the chemicals in their brain, nor the physical make up of our body. But we are a physical, emotional and spiritual beings at the same time.

Its okay that we as human struggle, its when we choose to stay there that becomes the problem. I write these blogs just as much myself as I do for my readers. Let us desire more for ourselves and others.



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