Do What You Were Meant To Do.

“Don’t ask what the world needs. Ask what makes you come alive, and go do it. Because what the world needs is people who have come alive.”

― Howard Thurman

Finding your soul purpose, is not a exploration through outer space. I repeat:

Finding your soul purpose, is not a exploration through outer space.

What does this mean?

It means that God has endowed us all with things that we are passionate about, and talented out. What ever those things are for you, are the things that I truly believe that you should be pursuing.

It doesn’t matter if its painting, web design, clothing, public speaking, mentoring, coaching or something else. If we are not doing the things we love in some fashion. We are living a horrible existence.

As a society, we are caught in the 9-5 trap, working for our bank accounts. Now, if you like what you’re doing, good. Keep doing it. But I feel that most people hate what their doing and as such they are dying on the inside. Living for the Fridays and drinking some beer… Not that that’s bad at all.

But I just think that we could be living a more meaningful existence… You have to work an odd job to make ends meet. But to not do something that makes you come alive, is utter foolishness.

Write down what makes you come alive, make a plan and go do it.

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A lot Like David- For Those Who Go Unseen.

The story of David and Goliath, a story that people perceive as a metaphor or a real life event that took place between a small framed boy (probably close to being a teenager) who truly didn’t have much to offer, based on worldly standards. He didn’t come from a wealthy family, wasn’t even the most popular among his peers. He only tended to sheep and made music with strings.

He would be the last person that anybody would think of to face the large giant that was Goliath. Goliath was the opposite of David, he was a man that people feared, looked up to and one that appeared to never taste defeat. Even though David didn’t come from much, even though he wasn’t the largest he was the bravest. And his heart was  larger than anyone around him.

Sure, David had his own problems and hang-ups, but I often feel as David probably did as a youth.  I’ve often felt incredibly small in this world, despite talents, passion’s and longings  to help others. It’s easy to feel like you can keep sliding down the ladder.

The thought came to me as I was stepping out of the shower, that even though I may appear to be small in the world’s eyes I am like a giant in God’s eyes. Remember that when

 

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no one else see’s you. God does and he loves you.

 

 

A Letter of Sorts to The Highly Sensitive Person.

It’s nothing personal… 

I’m sure we have all heard that phrase before and have even said it ourselves. I wonder, though, how many of us hate hearing it or get greatly annoyed when these words are spoken to us or even when we say them ourselves.

I think at times, though, it is personal and things tend to hurt if we gave ourselves the time to stop and feel the pain. For the highly sensitive person, this can be strangely difficult because we tend to feel things in such a deep way.

Stop being so sensitive! To an extent, I can agree that maybe they’re those of us who might very well be over sensitive. But being a sensitive person by itself is not a bad thing. In fact, I see being a sensitive person as being a magnificent thing. We could use some more sensitive people in the world.

Too many of us are blind to the pain of others, either that or we simply stuck and frozen in ourselves not knowing what to do about it. I am that highly sensitive person; I do feel things very deeply. Often I wish I could stop feeling altogether. Yet I believe that being a highly person is a gift.

If you are one that would identify as being a highly sensitive person, I would first suggest that you do more research here: hsperson.com). Secondly, as a high sensitive person, you’re created with unique gifts and talents that no one else has. You have great value and person, God made you the way you are and loves you as you are. God longs for you to turn your  attention to him, and let him love you in ways you never thought were possible.

The biggest bit of wisdom I can give you is to learn  to sit in Gods presence, that might difficult if you aren’t sure where you stand in regards to faith. Maybe you don’t believe in God at all. But I can tell you honestly that as a highly sensitive person, clinging to the love that Christ has for me has allowed me to have an intimacy that I have always longed for. You won’t find a love as wide and deep as you will the love of Christ.

 

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Word Vomiting on Anxiety and The Christian Life.

Breath… Breath… I tell myself as the sense of panic sets in.

My chest tightens, along with the shortness of breath.

This doesn’t make any sense, shouldn’t I have the most peace and Joy in all the world?

Instead, I feel like everything is going into a spontaneous flat spin. And you call yourself a Christian!?  

This tends to be the inner conversation that I have with myself most days, when anxiety seems to be getting the better of me. Anxiety and depression are things that any and all people may experience in a life time. But it can be a little tricky (a lot tricky actually) if you are a professing Christian.

I’m willing to bet that there are many bible believing Christians that live with either or both anxiety or depression. But their timid about speaking up about it. I know that when I visit a new church, I tend to put my smile on and be prepared to tell everyone that greets me how great I’m doing.

Why?

Because talking about anxiety or depression in some christian communities is like a drill sergeant who goes into a room full of marines who are sleeping and decide to let loose a flash bang. It can be painfully deafening and stunning to ones vision, but that’s what it’s like when a fellow believer talks about mental illness in the church. It hurts peoples ears and blinds the perception of life. Or the Christian life rather.

I personally have reached a point in my life, where I am tired of stuffing how I’m doing just to better sooth others. Yet I am still tremble at the thought of hearing another cliche response to pain.

Are you praying enough?

In the word? (The Bible)

Are you memorizing scripture?

(even better) are you in fellowship with other believers?

Or… Or.. “oh, I’m sorry to hear that, I’ll pray for you”… As the pat you on the shoulder, as if to say “there there little one, its going to be alright”

Verses will then be quoted about how were not meant to worry, and how God knows every hair on our heads. I very much understand that. And I actually believe that deep down, though the anxiety in my heart wants me to believe other wise.

Believers that struggle with anxiety are not people that simply need fixing, we don’t need quick fixes for things that we might have until the day were led home by Aslan (Chronicles of Narnia reference to Jesus). For some, having mental illness could be the Lords way of using something seen as evil, for our good.

God knows that if I didn’t have CP, I probably rely or need him as much. I few my own anxiety and depression in the same. Not in the sense that I enjoy living with anxiety or depression, but that I know that God uses these things as a way of making me a more loving and compassionate person.

The classic passage in scripture where the apostle Paul, pleas that God would remove the thorn from his side, only to have the king of the cosmos say “my grace is sufficient for you”. The key word here is grace, for a Christian, grace is meant to be our driving force. Not our mustering of effort, Not our lists of accomplishments or failures.

Something inside believes, that this is how Christians are meant to live in community and relationship to one another. Yes, there is always room to encourage and push each other to grow. But more then anything grace is meant to abound all the more.

For so long pastors, and the church as a whole has seemed to only want to “fix” those who are learning to live and cope with various shades of mental illness. And that should never be the answer, nor the motivation for the church.First and foremost, I believe that the Church should learn to sit quietly with those who are in the midst of the storm.

This is best scene through out the story of Job, job in the opening chapters loses everything he ever held dear to him. He finds himself in a place of distress in every area of his life. His friends would soon arrive on the scene of his life. There they sat quietly as their friend mourned the loss of his children and vitality, but they seemed to be silent with him for a moment.

Then they started accusing him of doing something to royally piss God off. And as a result, God was then punishing job for something that he had done. The sad truth is that we Christians do the same thing today. Rather then sitting with someone in their pain, we tend to spew at the mouth with cliche statements and things that really say nothing in the end.

Could this be because were scared of not having the answer for something or someone in life? I think so, some of the most meaningful moments in my life have been when a friend has sat beside me and just let me cry. Not giving me a sermon, although we sometimes need that too. But they let me cry and scream until there wasn’t anything left to empty of myself.

We all could be better at this couldn’t we? As I have more then likely said before. If you have anxiety or any other form of mental illness. your not a freak, your not something that needs simple repair or fixing. you are not your diagnoses. your loved, created in the image of the king and thus have more worth and value then you could ever know.  Your pain runs deeper that mere pat answers. Healing and recovery are possible with time and diligence. You don’t have to go through life alone, nor were you ever meant to.

You were created to loved and be loved. Seek help, don’t be afraid to need it. Ignore what others think, your life matters to much to lay quietly in the darkness.

 

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The Two Big C Words

For the past several months, there have been a host of horribly dreams that invade my sleep. Most recently, there has been a dream where I am diagnosed with cancer. I don’t know much about dream interpretation, but many claim that it is a manifestation of the sub conscious.

Be that as it may, the dreams (nightmares even) seem all the more real to me. When I first told this dream to a friend, they pointed out the fact that it might stem from the fact that I have a friend who has cerebral palsy and was recently diagnosed with cancer.

The thought never really crossed my mind, until they brought it to my attention. To be fair, anyone can be diagnosed with cancer on any given day. It doesn’t matter how well a person takes care of their bodies, sometimes things just happen.

My interpretation on the dream, perhaps, is that maybe I am the cancer. I mean this in the most non-dramatic way possible. In terms of a lot the relationships, there is the nagging sense that I’m always fucking things up some how. As such the logic that follows is that I am supposed to hide myself from society. Much like a diseased person would in the old testament.

Again, I am not aiming to be dramatic or cause others to feel sorry for me. The point is, is that this has been a great battle and difficulty for me. One that has been on and off again, for as long as I’ve lived.

The Second C: Control

With so many areas of life changing, or seeming to be that way. I have learned to not hold on so tight. Because people are not ultimately ours. Though I will add, that in regards to my personal convictions regarding the life and way of Christ. I do believe that we belong to each other and that we are created to share in life and give our lives to others.

But at the same time, we as humans have the choice to come and go as we please. Other times other elements to life take the front seat. But what happens when you feel like your on the outside looking in? Even with our own personal tasks, be it school, job, family etc. Relationships that we perceived to e long lasting and strong seem to be slipping away.

Wether that is true or not, remains to be discovered. What I am speaking of though, is the mere feeling or belief that people are slipping away. Perhaps if your like me, a sense of great panic sets in. And much like when a parent has to be separated from a child they do everything in their power to hold onto the grasp.

I’m the learning the painfully obvious truth, that friendships change. And sometimes you have to let people go, not because you want them to, but because it is their choice. That does mean that we don’t long for close, intimate relationships. This is why my faith and spirituality is so very important to me. Because I am told that there is a friend that sticks closer then a brother (Proverbs 18:24).

If you struggle with anxiety and panic, I want you to know that its not the end of your life. Your panic and fear do not define you or the sum total of your life. It’s okay to ask for help. It’s okay to let people in. Never give up in the darkness.

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While This Fucking Sucks (Further Thoughts on Depression)

Depression fucking sucks, there’s not many other ways that I can accurately describe hoe much I hate living with it. To anyone that is offended to my choice of use of the words, I’m sorry, but right now the word fuck is a great release for me. I honestly don’t wish depression on anyone regardless of the severity.

For me, the depression starts rolling around this time of year, normally I am in awe of falls beauty. Yet for some reason, I just simply shrug my shoulders and think “eh, its just leaves falling off trees”. Normally the autumn is when I feel most in tune with Gods spirit, but that even seems dry to me.

I try and smile, but I can’t. I try and find joy in things, but I can’t. The only thing that I want to do is curl up in bed with my dog and sleep this season away. One of my favorite singer/song writers has a lyric that says:

“Wake me when it’s spring time in Heaven, when I’m strong enough to walk in your ways”

(Song here: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Zqf55ogCfuk)

I feel like I have no strength in this season, (so God if your listening I could really use some help). Even with all the good that is happening in my life, joy is far from my heart. Scary huh?

So then, what do I (or what do you do?) Well, sleeping things off for a bit is perfectly fine, but then get up, let your feet hit the floor and remember why you do things. Why your chasing certain dreams and goals. We are nothing without hope and purpose.

Keep inching toward the warmth at the end of tunnel, don’t be afraid to scream for help. There are people that care for you and love, I promise, and while this fucking sucks. Things will get better. Don’t miss the value that can come from these current struggles.images