Lately I’ve been dwelling on the reality of energy, not so much the physical reality of it. Though that is part of it. More so the reality of energy that surrounds us, that others give off. Some of us have more healthy and positive environments. While others of us have surroundings that are very much the opposite.
God only knows I try and not let it get to me, but this morning during my workout I noticed that the energy that surrounded me really got to me. It sucked all the will and energy out of me. I got off my rower and started doing some weighted push ups and still the draining sensation stuck to me.
This makes me think of other disabled individuals like myself, who cannot readily escape their surroundings. Due to financial and other reasons. How to we begin to combat the negative energy in our lives?
One: I’ve been very mindful of my breathing practice, every morning and evening I do at least 30 slow deep breathes. This really helps calm the nervous system.
Two: Prayer and journaling, talk to God ask him to sustain you with grace and strength. Write down your thoughts on paper. Get it out.
Three: Sleep! Try and go to bed around the same time every night. Don’t keep your phone near you, try and keep your room cool and as dark as possible.
four: Visualize putting armor around your mind and heart, imagine blocking each and every negative attack. You truly can hardened your mind and not in a unhealthy either. But one that keeps the negative energy from over coming us.
There I was sitting on the toilet this morning, as I always do. Taking care of the demons in my stomach. Truth be told, I have not been feeling all that great about myself the past few days. For reasons that I do not wish to share on this blog.
But there I was, the few places that I pray are when I am in the shower, working out or on the toilet. I tend to pray more privately these days… As I was sitting on my throne, I was noticing all the negative thoughts coming out from my mind, making their way to my heart.
When I heard and felt a soft whisper say from underneath all of the crap coming out of (non pun intended).
Your my son…
I know its crazy, and this blog might very well make you think that of me. So be it. For many religious crack heads have said that God spoke to them, well, let me tell you quickly why my experience is different. The words that were spoken to me, can be back up with scripture.
To name a few, I don’t think this is as crazy, because God speaks to various people in various ways through out the whole of scripture. Further more, the Lord reminding me that I am his son, is far (far) different than some other Christian claiming “the phone rang and that was a sign I was meant to marry this person!”
I know my soul needed these words today, I needed to be reminded of my true identity today. Does this happen often to me? No, but when it does. Its very special to me. Today my hope and prayer is that you know that God loves you, in Christ all things can be made new.
It’s been awhile since I’ve written anything, I’m still having a lot of ups and downs in regards to porn. But I’m not beating the crap out of myself each and every time. I find myself longing for love. Real love.
For someone to love me and tell me it’s going to be okay, that I’m not my failures. It just seems so hard to find. Yes, I know that the God, but I still long for a wonderful woman in my life. One who builds me up, encourages and fights for me.
The other night I was coming back from the gym, when I had the inclination to pray with the president of our college. We shared some things that were going on in each others lives. I told him about the longings that were in my heart. As he was praying for me he spoke something that I have never heard before in my years of following Jesus.
He said “I ask that you would send a wonderful woman into Brandon’s life sooner rather than later.” Wow.. Mind blown. While he also prayed that I would feel the Lord’s love deep inside of my soul. I had never heard those words spoken and claimed before. I have always heard loads of other daily cliches. And while I claim that promise in my life, I know I have a lot to do on myself, but you know what? I’m okay with that.