Rambling on Depression

Depression sucks, especially the kind of been experiencing the past three days. It’s like something dark, just came and busted out a lawn chair and began to relax while it indulged in it’s favorite beverage and snack. Then I think to myself, “Hey, I didn’t invite you here” Then this dark creature replies “oh, but you forget I show up every year.. When you least expect it.” That you do, but it doesn’t mean this depression is welcome.

So I’m going to express and share about what I’ve been feeling without giving power to loathing and deprecation of the self. Which I have been prone to do. However it will be a goal of mine within the new year to really fight against feeling sorry for myself and speaking negatively about myself. Depression is interesting in the sense that, it can feel your mind with lies that you know aren’t true. And yet, because its so heavy it feels true all the more.

The depression will say that I’m a fraud, no woman would ever want to be with me again, I’ve made to many mistakes and that my life is as good as it could possibly get. Meaning I’m stuck and life as I know it. Is over.

Again, I know it’s not true, but as I said the depression makes it seem all the more real and powerful. I’ve been on different medications for depression, and been to various counselors and I’ve had bad experiences with both. Medications only seemed to make feel worse, physically and mentally and most counselors I’ve seen have cooking cutter responses to my pain. So I said screw it both.

For me I believe that nutrition and fitness are big parts of fighting it, but you can do all that and still grapple with depression, however short the duration. For me, I’d rather have short durations, than to be where I once was, where I was having a couple panic attacks a week, puking before classes in college and so on.

This year hasn’t helped, though I’m thankful because here, in small Nebraska were not that restricted by Covid. But it doesn’t help, hearing about it every day, having a never ending political battle. Moreover, having cerebral palsy doesn’t help at all. It’s not like I can just leave the house whenever my heart desires. It’s also difficult when you don’t have any friends who can readily come pick you up or hang out with you because of their own circumstances.

Which is why I’ve tried a lot to be happy with myself and my own company, this is not just my battle but for many with cerebral palsy. Depression doesn’t make you weak, I just choose to lower my head and keep moving forward, to keep taking the shots. I’m not directly apposed to seeking help- I’m more open to talk therapy than anything. I’d only like to find a decent fit.

In the midst of the depression and the powerful blows that it deals myself and others, I’ve learn to channel a deep warrior strength inside me. One that knows that this darkness will pass, I’m learning to notice the pain and darkness within, and yet not be over ran by it. I’m learning to not let the depression over ride the duration of my day.

I still manage to workout, eat healthy, workout etc in spite of the depression that faces me. One might say that that’s not healthy. But to me, I say that that’s making war against the depression. It’s me fighting, going down swinging no matter what.

My greatest anchor through all of this is my relationship with God, prayer and reading my Bible. That’s what’s bigger than any darkness in my life.

Becoming A Man With Balls (Not Just Testicles)

Every man has testicles, but not every man has balls – George Bruno (Man in blog image)

I know that the above quote might be a bit bold and even provocative, but the words of Mr. Bruno truly resonate with me. As someone that frequents his YouTube channel, he as an older man has a ton of great things to younger men like myself. Young men and men in general need someone older and wise to speak into their lives and help them to develop into strong, confident and know how to conduct themselves in life.

When I heard the above quote, my first reaction was shock, as in there was no way he just said that. But after the quote circulated through my mind, the more his words rang truer as time went on. A lot of men have testicles, in the sense that they know how to have sex with countless women, or watch countless hours of porn and not know how or have any desire to commit to one woman.

Whereas a man with balls knows and learns how to control his urges, he learns to master himself and ultimately is able to give himself to a woman that he deems worthy. Men with just testicles are riddled with fear when it comes to facing the harsh realities and challenges of life. While men with balls are willing to be brave and figure out a way to overcome the adversity.

I’m sure that there are many more examples that could be given, the more important question to ask though, is how does a man become a man with not just testicles-but balls? That’s a great question to ask ourselves as men. As mentioned about, learning to control our sexual urges is a great start. Life is not simply where the penis goes, but learning to be a man that a deeper sense of self to him. Learning to control our urges is one of the best missions a man can embark on. It truly is worth it as time goes on. Another way a man can learn to live with balls, is to conquer his health. Stop eating the crappy foods, eat more steak and greens, do some sort of resistance training whatever that is. Build lean muscles, melt the body fat and learn to fast even if it’s for sixteen-eighteen hours a day. Your confidence will rise because of it.

Next, a man with balls learns to be alone. Not depending on women to fill his cup. A man with balls is at peace with himself and doesn’t need anything else to make him happy or have a sense of purpose and worth. This can take some time to master as well, but when as men we realize that we can be happy in ourselves, we are able to handle darkness far better when it comes hunting for us.

Men also- with balls are at peace with God. They are in right standing with the king of the cosmos and find all they are in him. I know that some of my readers don’t believe in God. But for me, being in right standing with God leaves a man knowing who he truly is and where his happiness truly resides.

Lastly, a man should know how to fight to some degree or another. He should have some skills in boxing or jiujitsu. Both sills together are an amazing combo, imagine hitting like Mike Tyson and having the ability to calmly restrain someone even using the most basic of BJJ skills. A man with these skillsets is calm and knows only to use physical violence as a last resort. He doesn’t go around puffing his chest out showing how tough he is.
These are only the tip of the ice berg, of how a man with testicles can become a man with balls. The purpose of this blog, is to get men to become the best men they can be. Not settling for mediocrity but conquering themselves and the vices that stand in their way.

How To Be A Bad Ass Human Being

Tips For Being A Bad Ass Human Being

Human beings are amazing, we can do so much with our bodies and minds every single day of our lives. My own existence is something that I simply do not thank God for on a regular. Rather I piss-moan and groan about how much my life sucks. Anyone who knows anything about my own story, knows that the deck was stacked against me. And yet, by the grace of God I have gone onto obtain multiple degrees and certifications. Even though doctors told me I would always be dependent on others, and even though educational professionals told me I didn’t have what it took to attend university. We human beings have forgotten how beautiful our own existence is, we have lost sight of the fact that we can all be bad asses in our own right. So what are a few tips to become that person?

Finding Your Mental Resolve: We don’t like to hear this, but the only way we truly find our resolve, the only we become mentally and emotionally tougher is through hardship and challenges. Some of us have had very tough and painful lives, and because of that, it’s easy to feel defeated and buried under the ashes of life. Yet, we have forgotten that we can rise from those ashes. I am not always a believer of pulling up oneself by their boot straps. Though, at times in life, you will have to do that. Much more I am a believer of being shaped and allowing yourself to be molded and mentored by other people who truly care about you. I am eternally grateful that God gave me parents who not only told me I was strong, but showed me I was. I am also thankful that God let me experience all the suffering in my life. I’m thankful that he led me through the valley of death. Because it made me who I am today. Find the good in your life, face the darkness in your own life, try more and more every day, to not listen to the lies in your mind any longer. Suffering comes for us all, in different ways throughout our lives. As such, we should always have our armor ready when the fight comes, in the name of not being blindsided by an attack. Some of us are so comfortable with our own comfort, that the slightest bit of adversity sends us packing. Learn to be steady and calm and adversity, because the storm always passes.

Enjoy Solitude: This is art form, I have been working on more and more in my life. I have come to love solitude, by myself and without distraction. Some of us are afraid to be alone with our own thoughts, have to always be doing something. But there’s really happiness and healing, in being able to be still, and see what resonates inside us. It’s in the stillness of the night, that we can discover who we are, what we have to work on and where we want to go. It was in the solitude of my heart, that I discovered that the creator of the heavens and earth was drawing me to himself, he was making me a new creation, a strong soldier and a seeker of how he sees me. Get comfortable being your own company, interact with the thoughts in your own mind, no matter how dark and uncomfortable they may be. Get a journey, write things down, it could be a method of healing from trauma, holding yourself accountable for goals. Our biggest problem in society, is that we are constantly seeking information outward and we are not spending enough time discovering who we are and how bad ass we can be. Start seeking solitude today, even if you’re a parent, find time early in the morning, or even for a few minutes before bed. Take stock of your life. You will be better because of it.

Listen To Others: I’ve always been more of a listener than talker, and I honestly like it that way. Listening to others should be pretty self-explanatory, but some of us talk so much and we don’t listen enough. When we do that, we miss out on being teachable. We miss out on exercising empathy and compassion for others, who might be in a time of darkness. With utilizing our ability to listen, rather than speak. We have a better chance at showing others a light covered path to hope.

Become The Healthiest You: This will look different for each person, because we all have different abilities. But we all could be a bit, or even a lot more healthier in our lives. As a personal trainer and nutrition coach, I haven’t worked with a lot of people with different abilities. The reoccurring theme, with working with a wide variety of clients, is that if you commit to the process of getting better each day, with proper nutrition and exercise you will see results. Yes, things take time, but that’s the beauty of it, in that we get to embrace the process and see the small changes gradually. The instant gratification that we crave with our health and the rest of our lives isn’t real. Nutrition and fitness are two categories of life that have been made overall complicated. As a whole, I feel that quite a few us could do much better, by saying no to a lot of processed foods, and yes to more water, protein, and some fruits and vegetables if you like them. (I’m not convinced that we need them and function fully).
In terms of fitness, you don’t always have to have a gym membership. Nor do you have to go balls to wall for hours on end. I did CrossFit for a number of years, and as much as I love it. Not all your workouts have to be that intense to get a good workout in. If you’re new to the world of fitness, I suggest taking a few 10 minute walks every day, (gradually work your way to a jog) while starting to master the push up (even if it’s on your knees) along with other variations and challenges to pushups as you go along. And mastering a good squat form- in different variations, weighted and single legged squats. Because we all do it every day. Just with those exercises alone, you can do a lot with those daily movements and habits.
Next, get yourself a pull up bar or some rings, you really can build a lean strong body with these two pieces of equipment. With rings, you can utilize harder variations of push- ups, dips, planks and bridges to build the core- etc.
Kettle Bells are great too, especially the swing, because it’s a total body movement that even throws in cardio at the same time.

Christians-Gods Temple- Redeeming Health

When I was attending my first bible college, we were discussing the every quoted verse in 1 Corinthians 6:19. Which reads “Do you not know that your bodies are temples of the Holy Spirit, who is in you, whom you have received from God? You are not your own;” Interestingly enough, there are all kinds of interpretations to this verse, anything from drugs, tattoos, suicide, sex and even health. Most of us, in our chapel discussion agreed that in had to do with our health and honoring God with our lives.

I spoke up about how I thought, that I strongly believe that as Christians we ought to be doing our best to take care of our bodies. In all all aspects: mentally, emotionally, spiritually and physically. Not always in that order.

I’ll never forget it, when a rather loud black woman piped up and said “I don’t need to take care of my health, I’m dying anyway and in Heaven I’m gonna get a new body.” My first thought in that moment and even now is, that can’t be right or true. Yes, I do affirm that on the other side of life, Christians will have glorified bodies that are free from sin and decay.

But to assume that we can just let ourselves go, and let illness and death simply take us over. Is frankly sinful and a smack in the face to God, because he blessed us with life. It is then our response to honor him back. In my years of Christ, I have seen so many people walk through the church doors. Including pastors.

It’s sad that we have readily accepted this reality. I don’t think it is enough as believers, to simply ready ourselves for death. No, we still have much purpose and mission in this life. And as such our bodies need to be ready for the tasks at hand. This could mean, preparing your body and mind, for a time of raising children up. Working a job that requires heaving lifting etc.

Even if you have a desk job, guess what? you still need to honor God with your body. This could be a simple, as saying no to fast food and choosing healthier options. It could very well mean preparing food the night before. The point is, Christians need to think more broadly about how we honor God with the temples we inhabit.

It’s both the inside and the out.

Its my personal belief that Jesus Christ himself, was a fairly in shape person. After all, he walked almost everywhere and worked with his body. Who are we to be any different. We truly are without excuse.

We Adapt. Or We Die.

I don’t believe that having a disability is a means to completely stop a person, from leading a great life. Be it mentally, physically or spiritually. I don’t. Sharing my story is something I do all the time. And if you know anything about me, you will know that I have had the deck stacked against me since day one.

Perhaps it’s because I had parents that pushed me in the direction that I am now, I’ve been at the bottom. For awhile I listened to all the negative crap that people spoke into my life. I let the words of people barrie me deep- in a pit of nonsense.

Again, if it wasn’t for my family pushing me to be more. I’m positive in knowing that I would still be in the hopeless place. I feel as though its my mission in life to tell people (especially those with disabilities). That they can be more, they don’t always have to listen to doctors, teachers or feel entrapped by their own disability.

For years, I hated my body, I didn’t think that my mind or body could improve. Yes, I will always have CP, but no it will not keep me from being the strongest and healthiest that I possibly can be. Yes, I still may have bouts with depression and anxiety but I will always rise.

Make the most of what you have. Work with what you got.

If you can only lift a certain about of weight, with one side of your body. That’s fine. If one side of your body is stronger, I can deal with that. If you don’t have much mobility in your lower body, there are ways to adapt to the context in which you find yourself. But staying in a mindset in which there is no growth: Mentally, physically or spiritually is equal to death.

Because if we do not choose to allow ourselves to grow, every single day. We will die without every really knowing who we are. We adapt. Or we die.

My Heart As A Trainer and Coach (For the adaptive community)

Being a personal trainer/nutrition coach, has been something that I have wanted to do for a long time. And as I have written in a previous post, it was something that I hesitated from doing. For reasons of there not being enough money etc. I went ahead and ignored all the antagonist thoughts in my head and got certified in both!

I’ve been working the up hill climb at trying to gain a steady clientele, it’s difficult and even frustrating. Yet, at risk of sounding like an ego filled/puffed up human being. I’m going to brag about a few accomplishments , because I’m very proud of them.

The first notable one, was when I stared working with a young woman who had a worse form of cerebral palsy (CP) than I did. when I first started doing online coaching with her (which is what I do with all my clients) she could barely make her hands in the shape of a fist. In fact, doctors wanted to perform an operation on her to correct it. I didn’t think that surgery should be an option, unless we explored all the options.

After learning about my clients goals, I went ahead both a nutrition and fitness plan for her. For the simple reason, that I wanted her to be healthy and strong from the inside out. Long story short, after several weeks of staying as focused and disciplined as possible. She was able to open and close her hands! Much more, she was able to take a few steps assisted.

This to me has meant so much, and if as coach this is my greatest victory. I’m some what okay with that. There have been others with CP and other adaptive needs, that I have helped, in the areas of weight loss, gaining mobility and strength and so on. But the above story is most notable. Of course, I strive for others with CP and other needs to be their healthiest selves.

For we get one life and one body, and if we don’t take care of it. The consequences are much greater. My heart as a trainer, is to help clients adopt a healthy mindset and vision for their lives. Everything is mindset, which I believe sets me apart from other trainers, because some just focus on the body. Without taking stock of whats going on in the mind.

Our bodies are a gift, they might function differently, but they are a gift non the less. As such, we should be doing all that we can to take care of them each day. Eating more protein, drink more water, consume less sugar and so on. We should be doing all we can to make our bodies strong, even if all you can do is work your arms, do that! Make the most of what you got.

Learn to lay aside the fear, the doubts, the what ifs and start carving out the person you want to be. It’s not as difficult or impossible as you think, it just takes discipline, time and focus. But it can be done!

I’m here to help!

Movement As Blessing

 

I’ve always had the conviction that being able to move your body everyday, is a huge blessing. That conviction has only grown, upon getting my certifications in fitness  and nutrition. I want to ignite the fire and passion for people to love and honor their bodies inside and out.

Exercise can be a huge part in this, but more so, I am speaking toward the reality, that getting to move your body, everyday in small ways is a blessing. Even as I move my fingers to type this blog.

I long to see people with special needs, have a deep zeal everyday, to get themselves out of bed and do what they can to be healthier, happier and stronger. I know everyone has different ranges of ability, energy and so on.

The one objection that stem from this: Well, thats easy for you to say, you don’t.. (fill in the blank).

Actually, along with having CP, I am always in some sort of pain, I’m always tired, a lot of days I have to fight to even get out of bed. And yes, there’re a lot of days where my own struggle with depression beats me down. So I do understand very well.

But here is the deal, life is too much of a blessing to let any of that stuff have victory over me. Even on the days when I don’t want to get out of bed, you know what? I get out of bed. Regardless of the war that may be going on inside me on a giving day, I try and make someones life better.

Jocko Willink talks a lot about going through the motions, going to the gym when you don’t want to. Doing the things you would rather not do, because in doing so you’re better because of it. The moment my eyes open in the morning, I hear Jocko’s voice saying:

GET. OUT. OF BED. NOW!

Do the work you have to do.

Wash the dishes

Wash the clothes

Do the everyday and mundane things you’d rather not do. why!? Because your moving, your using the body that God gave you. Much better, you are forsaking the laziness in your mind, that says “oh no, you don’t have to anything today!”

Now, I’m not implying you can’t rest. What I am saying is that you can rest, after you have gotten everything on your to-do list done. Workout included! There’s something so beautiful about going to bed tired, knowing that you poured yourself out and crushed the day. That’s a wonderful way to live lives!

Then, you can rest and rest deeply.

So wake up everyday, rip the the covers from your body and get moving. Workout, do the mundane tasks (and even your prospective on them will change), better yourself in every way you can, help others and then you can rest deeply. Do what you can everyday, so no to the lazy voice in your head, so that when you rest, you will rest fulfilled.

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Discipline and The New You!

I was talking with a client this more, and something that I said to them really struck me. It was the idea of dialing in your discipline. Meaning that one:

Discipline begins again every single day, what this really comes down to, is knowing why we are being disciplined for in the first place. Makes sense? And so for my client, they have this vision of themselves of who they want to be.

And they want to reach that goal, that space and time in their lives. For themselves, not because they want to be like anyone else. But because they want to be happy, healthy, whole and complete for no one else but them.

I can’t begin to tell you how revolutionary this, because then they can reach a place where they stop comparing themselves to others. Stop looking and obsessing over the numbers on the scale, because they aren’t defined by that anyone or anything else.

But again, this takes discipline, the discipline to not spend so much time scrolling through social media. Choosing to be discipled in waking up early, appreciating the gift of a new day.

The discipline of choosing the right foods, drinking enough water. The disciple to say no to food and other things in life that will only hinder you. This all starts with a choice that isn’t merely cognitive, but it is a choice that has to resonate within our full nature. It has to change ever part of you.

This can true for you as well, you just have to decide in the here and now.

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You and The Vending Machine

Wow,

Thank you for all the likes on my latest post, for all the new subscribers. I really hope to help and inspire people however I can!

Okay, that aside, I was asked to write a blog on combating the desire to go the vending machine when you are at work or in need of a quick repass, or something to get you through the day. More specially, that nagging antagonist in your mind, that tells you to cure your hunger by getting a 50 cent or dollar snack.

Now, I fail at nutrition too, a lot and sometimes I give into the temptation too. We are humans and we will make mistakes whether we like it or not. Let’s be honest about that. Much more, let us know our enemies all the more.

What I mean is, know, when your enemy sets out to attack on a daily basis. And be ready for it, better yet attack the enemy before they can attack you. I know I’m using very militant language. But when it comes to our health and nutrition, we have to be disciplined and go out on the attack.

Be it, making sure that you maybe pack healthy snacks with you, the night before. And drink plenty of water. Eat more foods that leave fuller longer, steak and higher protein foods. When you have that temptation, even finding a corner and knocking out some push ups or burpees.

Make every effort to make war against the temptation, because that mid day snack isn’t going to get you closer to your goals. Of being healthy, happier, more alive, satisfied and focused. It will get you off course faster than anything.

But.. But.. If you do get off track, please remember not to beat your self up, but dust your self off and get back on the path. Even if you do have a cheat day- that’s fine, but than start pounding the water and getting back on it. Typically, when our bodies tell us that we are hungry, and we crave the cheap and easy foods, our bodies crave nutritionist.

So apply discipline, and feet it healthy things. Learn to say no, imply windows of fasting and starve your body of its desire of processed craving. In our lives, we can leave behind legacy, one that can go on for those after us. That starts by making small changes today, in the here and now.

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My Thoughts Regarding Keto!

So,

I had a request for my thoughts on the Keto diet. Before we go any further, I’d like to state that I do not follow the Keto diet. Primarily I am focused on a higher protein/carnivore-like approach to my personal nutrition. That being said, I do like the idea behind Keto.

Primarily, when you lower the amount of sugar and carbs in your daily intake, and make healthy fats as a source of energy. Your body then how no choice to burn fat, which for many has equated to dramatic weight loss. Keto consists of Fats, protein and low carb:

Fats: Avocado, nuts, flax seed etc

Protein: lean meats, fish, chicken etc

Carbs : Veggies

There are other types of Keto, which focus on higher proteins, or dirty keto, which can  be viewed as a fast food version, but just taking off the bread (haha). In the world of diets and nutrition, something new pops up all the time. Some, I have heard take a firm stance against it, saying that it is hard to maintain and something that you can’t be on long term.

Having not been on a keto diet myself, I can only go off of what I’ve read and heard.  My girlfriend has been on the diet for a while, and it has help her with her arthritis and joint pain.

I truly do believe that it can help reduce inflammation in the body, helps with autoimmune disorders and those who suffer from seizure disorders as well. However I don’t believe that one has to be on a keto diet however to start seeing changes in their health. Once you eliminate the processed carbs, sugars and fats amazing things start to happen in your body.

That is truly universal, whatever “diet” you subscribe to.  Here is a link listing the benefits of being on the Keto diet.  Here!   Typically as Americans  most of us have been so focused on processed carbs and sugars, largely because it’s easy and tastes good. Yet, so many people are dramatically overweight, have diabetes, have digestive issues and lack of energy.

I think the American diet has been wrong for a long time, and people are quickly realizing and to maximize health and longevity. In closing, I want to say again, that I do not practice the Keto approach. Nor do I think that it is for everyone, I think that, regardless of the foods that you like, if you make the disciplined choice to eliminate processed foods, increase water and exercise, you will become healthier regardless of “diet” you choose to subscribe to.

Find what works for you! If you like fruits and greens over steak, okay! Work with it, if you see results fantastic. If you don’t change it up! But I think we have clearly seen how a Keto or low cab form of eating is changing peoples lives for the better. Everything has its time frame in life, but what will always remain true, is that eating like crap, will always make you feel like crap! And eating healthy, will only leave you feeling for energized and happy.

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