Becoming A Man With Balls (Not Just Testicles)

Every man has testicles, but not every man has balls – George Bruno (Man in blog image)

I know that the above quote might be a bit bold and even provocative, but the words of Mr. Bruno truly resonate with me. As someone that frequents his YouTube channel, he as an older man has a ton of great things to younger men like myself. Young men and men in general need someone older and wise to speak into their lives and help them to develop into strong, confident and know how to conduct themselves in life.

When I heard the above quote, my first reaction was shock, as in there was no way he just said that. But after the quote circulated through my mind, the more his words rang truer as time went on. A lot of men have testicles, in the sense that they know how to have sex with countless women, or watch countless hours of porn and not know how or have any desire to commit to one woman.

Whereas a man with balls knows and learns how to control his urges, he learns to master himself and ultimately is able to give himself to a woman that he deems worthy. Men with just testicles are riddled with fear when it comes to facing the harsh realities and challenges of life. While men with balls are willing to be brave and figure out a way to overcome the adversity.

I’m sure that there are many more examples that could be given, the more important question to ask though, is how does a man become a man with not just testicles-but balls? That’s a great question to ask ourselves as men. As mentioned about, learning to control our sexual urges is a great start. Life is not simply where the penis goes, but learning to be a man that a deeper sense of self to him. Learning to control our urges is one of the best missions a man can embark on. It truly is worth it as time goes on. Another way a man can learn to live with balls, is to conquer his health. Stop eating the crappy foods, eat more steak and greens, do some sort of resistance training whatever that is. Build lean muscles, melt the body fat and learn to fast even if it’s for sixteen-eighteen hours a day. Your confidence will rise because of it.

Next, a man with balls learns to be alone. Not depending on women to fill his cup. A man with balls is at peace with himself and doesn’t need anything else to make him happy or have a sense of purpose and worth. This can take some time to master as well, but when as men we realize that we can be happy in ourselves, we are able to handle darkness far better when it comes hunting for us.

Men also- with balls are at peace with God. They are in right standing with the king of the cosmos and find all they are in him. I know that some of my readers don’t believe in God. But for me, being in right standing with God leaves a man knowing who he truly is and where his happiness truly resides.

Lastly, a man should know how to fight to some degree or another. He should have some skills in boxing or jiujitsu. Both sills together are an amazing combo, imagine hitting like Mike Tyson and having the ability to calmly restrain someone even using the most basic of BJJ skills. A man with these skillsets is calm and knows only to use physical violence as a last resort. He doesn’t go around puffing his chest out showing how tough he is.
These are only the tip of the ice berg, of how a man with testicles can become a man with balls. The purpose of this blog, is to get men to become the best men they can be. Not settling for mediocrity but conquering themselves and the vices that stand in their way.

What Does It Mean To Be A High Value Man?

What is a high value man? Better yet, what is a high value person?

There is often a lot talk in the red pill community, in regards to being a high value man. Most of the defining terms for it, consists of having more money and being more appealing in the “sexual market place”. While having more money and physical appeal is not a bad thing, that can’t be all there is.

Moreover, and what I have been very passionate about over the last several months, is how do men like myself become more high value? Even within the context that they find themselves in. For instance, it can be very difficult to go out and meet people, so you are on social media a lot, or dating sites. Maybe no matter how man jobs you’ve applied for you can’t seem to land a job.

Worse yet, maybe you feel as though no one would ever find you attractive and want to be with you. That’s a very rough and defeating place to be. I’ve been there myself and sometimes those thoughts still creep up in my life. What I have discovered though and what has helped me fight off that heavy perspective of myself, is having a radical acceptance of myself.

Now, that in no way means just coasting though life, without making improvements on the self. No, a radical self -acceptance simply means that one recognizes that they are loved, valued, worthy of respect and dignity first. Before going your better half in life. It means being at peace with yourself first, and not relying on someone else to provide you peace and try and “fix you” in some way. As you find a radical acceptance in the self, that should then motivate you to go after a higher calling in life, which could be one of many things. It should motivate you to want to improve yourself in every single way humanly possible. Try losing weight, gaining muscle tone, becoming stronger mentally and emotionally. Getting right with God. This is what it means holistically to be a high value man-person. You can all of these things. You just have to be willing to work at it, every single day. No matter how long it takes!

The Current State of Alpha Males (My Thoughts)

Anyone that has been following my entries for the last few weeks, might notice that I talk about being “Alpha” and reclaiming a sense of manhood. And for me that not only is for myself, but for others like myself that have cerebral palsy or other disabilities. I believe it to be a vital component, that men with cerebral palsy know and understand who they are, that they can be confident and have a deep sense of grounded masculinity. Even if in spite of not being able to accomplish certain “manly tasks” due to certain physical limitations. To be frank, I believe that the church has failed in this way, because they unknowingly focus on the abled-bodied men while sub-consciously passing over those who are disabled.   

I don’t think that Churches do this purposely, but rather they just don’t think about the reality that life just might be different for some other men. Hell, most churches don’t even have distinct ministries for the special needs community. Though, this blog is not to rag on the short comings of the church, but rather to call to attention of the state of “Alpha Men”. To be honest, I’m not really pleased. Most of them seem truly into themselves and only want to put others down. Which isn’t what an alpha male actual does. Why? Because they are secure within themselves that they don’t have to do that. They may firmly disagree with ones take on an issue, but they don’t purposely set out to go put someone else down because it makes them feel better.

Most of the alpha males that I see on the internet, seem to be hell bent on making fun of people that believe in God or subscribe to a religious world view. Which really is no better the new-atheist crusade that emerged several years ago. Again, if claim to be alpha, why seek out to make fun of someone? Why not confidently disagree without being so self-righteous?

Another problem that I have with some alpha males, is the fact that some of them just want short term relationships with women, only to move on to the next. Not me, nope. The most alpha thing a man can do at times is to commit to the right woman. No matter how hard things got. Furthermore, most alpha males are so focused on the physical attraction of a woman, that they put that over the mental-emotional and spiritual aspects of a woman. In my life currently, yes I do want to be with someone I am attracted to. Yet what’s more important for me anyway, is seeing if the woman that I potential want to be with. Is in fact secure in her emotional-mental and spiritual components of her life. Because that will carry over far above anything physical, though I do believe that the physical is an important component as well.

I think there’s room for a new way of A.M. to emerge or at least reforming what an A.M. actually is.. That’ll come in part 2 though!

The Disabled Man- And Manhood

I think that one aspect of manhood (that I am very passionate about) that isn’t talked about much at all. Is the reality of manhood and disability. Over the last several months I’ve seen all kinds of videos on how  to be more of an alpha male and so on. Most of these videos are geared toward abled-bodied men, who can walk, drive and have a very different set of life circumstances than a man with cerebral palsy. Now, this is difficult for me to write, because I confess that I’m not where I want to be in life. I’m thirty-five, almost  thirty-six and I still live in my parents’ house, don’t drive  and don’t work your typical job. As I’ve spent the last several lives trying to live the entrepreneur life, and for the most part I’ve done well for myself. There’s just these two areas of my life, that I have yet to break through in. Sometimes though, this makes me feel like less of a man or less than I could be. Even though, functionally speaking I have a ton to offer. It can be difficult though, simply because some people can’t see past the physical circumstances of ones life. The last woman I dated I can remember her being a bit hesitant early on, because she thought about what it would be like eventually introducing me to her friends. Which really sucks that that is even a reality, but I have to think, how many other men like me are there in the world that feel as I do. Who can sometimes feel like less of a man because they are physically different or have different life circumstances? It’s very numbing to the mind and heart. What happens then, is we stop taking chances in life because of the thoughtful reality that we might never find the physical acceptance that we desire.

What I’ve come to realize though, is that I-we- you still have divine worth regardless of whether or not a person accepts us for who we are or not. And its hardly a reflection on us as it is the other person. Simply because one is not where they want to be either, doesn’t mean that you won’t get there either. It may take someone a longer period of time, but it is still possible. Some people in life are late bloomers, but they still bloom. And I think that is something that needs to be more appreciated in life.   And I think that’s largely because our society wants everything right now.

Growing up my father raised me in the martial arts, which only helped me become a masculine man and warrior. He let me fall, get bumps and bruises. He always told me to stick out my chest when I stood up. And I think that that’s what I want for others like myself, to be strong in every way. Some  may not be able to physically fight like I can. But they can learn to protect their minds and hearts of those they love. I believe that regardless of whether a man is in wheel chair, he should be healthy and fit in as much as he can. Along with cleaning up the nutrition portion of life. I think a man should know how to control his thoughts and emotions. I think a man, should rid himself of the victim mentality. Also, men should learn to control their own lusts-in more ways than one. I think that men need to figure out who they are, what they do and do not want in life. I want to teach men like me to be strong and courageous, even in spite of having different abilities and life circumstances than the next guy. Disabled men truly need this, because lets face it too much life has passed and I haven’t seen anything done about this silent crisis. I believe I’m just the guy to do it.       

Manhood and Disability Part 1

I’ve never been one to feel sorry for myself, going after things I want has always been part of what made me who I am. It was ingrained in me by my parents, to not let anything stop me and not take no as an answer.

As a child, I felt as though nothing could touch me or wound me. But as you get a little older in life, you suddenly discover that you aren’t invisible as you once thought. You find that the world isn’t as nice as you once thought, and not everyone will give you a chance or think that you will ever amount too much.

Some where along the way, we lose that since of healthy confidence in our selves, and we allow other voices to influence us. There have been quite a bit of times in my life, where I have felt like less of a man, because I can’t drive or do all the typical things that a man is supposed to do.

Never learned to change a light bulb, change the oil in a car none of the typical things that a man is called to do. Growing up, my mom beat into my mind that the man does everything, provides for the woman, so on a so forth. Now I know that some might insert right away, that there is a very old traditional view. And to a degree I would acknowledge that disagreement.

But I do think, that to a a degree a man is supposed to be a warrior poet, much like William Wallace. One who knows how to capture a women’s heart. And vend off evil man if they ever had to. Inwardly and in the back of my mind, I have always felt like I am that.

The deeper reality is though, there a days and moments when I don’t feel like a measure up at all. That is why, my heart often goes out in a deep way to young boys/men with cerebral palsy. Who like me, don’t feel like they measure up, or never be seen as a real man.

In mays I am blessed to have a very mild form of CP, I can do a lot of things for myself. But what about those young men, or fully grown men, that don’t feel like a women could ever love them? Those of us, who is not what the worlds deems to be a man? It’s very easy to turn inward into shame, regret, isolation and even blame shifting.

So my hope, is to speak into that darkness and bring about some hope, bravery and encouragement.

YOU ARE A MAN.

Regardless of what severity of cerebral palsy or other physical condition you may have. You are a man, endowed in the holy image of God. An author who I once frequented, wrote that:

IF you have a penis, you have what it takes to get the job done.. You may not be able to do any sort of physical task, involving a car, kitchen or whatever. But that doesn’t mean, that you couldn’t make the simple phone call to get it fixed.

You  might not be able to spin your wife or girlfriend in circles, or even cook for them.  But you can love and protect them mentally, emotionally and spirituality. So much of my life I was blind to this reality, because I was so fixated on the physical.

When there is so much more to it, than physical aspects. I didn’t think that I would ever meet a women that loved me, until I met my girlfriend. I wasn’t finding relationships that worked out. And the more that happened the more alone I felt.

This only pushed me to cling to God more, finding peace in his love and being made in his image. Which is where all my worth and dignity as a human stems from. When I met my girlfriend, I was so shocked and overjoyed, because  I never thought I’d find another human that loved me in all the ways my heart desired.

I was blown away that even doubted Gods goodness and ability.

I do all I can to help my girlfriend when we are together, but the reality is, is that we have learned to take turns helping each other. There are times, in this current season of our relationship. Where I can’t help her with every little thing, and sometimes the greatest thing I can offer her is encouragement, love and my support.

I believe that us men, buy into the lie that we have nothing to offer, that we have no purpose and that we are not worthy of love. It’s all a lie that we accept when the depression sets in.

But the truth is, is that you have much to offer, you have purpose and you are worthy of love. It’s all abut finding out who you are, what makes you come alive and being comfortable in your own skin.

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My Thoughts On “Toxic Masculinity”

Okay,

so with all the craze over toxic masculinity, I just wanted to share my thoughts, however brief this may be. I agree with the thoughts that Jocko Willink submits on the topic: Article here

As a whole, he submits that there must be a dichotomy or balance, and that either side cannot be taken to the utmost extreme. Seems simple and clear enough, right? Not exactly, many even were up in arms about his article published by Fox news.

Here is a running definition, that I quickly searched for:

Toxic masculinity is one of the ways in which Patriarchy is harmful to men. It refers to the socially-constructed attitudes that describe the masculine gender role as violent, unemotional, sexually aggressive, and so forth. I don’t like this definition because it only shows one side, and simply says that men who are toxic/hyper masculine men, are not sensitive, or in touch with their emotions and or are emotionally constipated .

Okay, fair enough. Do I think that men who use violence and are emotionally abusive, for the wrong reasons are men? Not so much, because they are using those traits for the wrong reasons. There’re men in the world, who use violence in the dominating sense, with someone who is not on the same level as them, as a means to feel powerful. There’re men in the world, who are in fact, mentally and emotional abusive to others, so they can maintain a sense of control over others.

I don’t applaud this, as a man, and as a martial artist. There is indeed a time to use violence, as a means for good. For example, if I am with my girlfriend, and an evil man or group of evil men were trying to harm her in some form. You can bet your dying breath, that I would invoke as much violence needed to protect her, or any other loved one for that matter.

Now, do I go around puffing my chest out looking for a fight? No, that’s a stupid and horrible way to live. People that do that, are simply empty  and lonely on the inside and using violence as a means of fulfillment. Which is horribly wrong and there is no excuse for that.  Martial arts has taught me, to live at peace with others and myself. And only use my skills as last resort.

We as society are missing out on this lesson so much. To a degree, this needs to be reformed not only in our children and even full grown men. My nephew, who is very tender, is something that I want him to keep all his life. At the same time though, I want him to be brave and warrior. I want him to be a defender of the weak. On the other hand, I want him to be able to express emotion and other various emotions at the right times.

As Jocko says in his article, if you are too emotional at times, in the wrong context. People can use that as means to their advantage. Especially, if we are dealing with one who has an anti-social pattern of living. The Bible says to guard your heart, for it is the well spring of life. If we don’t protect our hearts, with shields and barriers, then we will constantly let the wrong people in. And that will only do us more harm.

We must learn to find a way of balancing both, when we do this we will find a more fulfilled life and purpose.  As I once heard a pastor say ” A real man is tough and tender.” And we need not look to anyone other then Jesus Christ. Who was the very definition of that. He was tough, in that he stood up against injustice, he fought for the oppressed and outcasts of society. He was tough (and masculine) by trade, being a carpenter, the dude probably had a lot of muscle. He also knew when to make good use of his anger, which took a great deal of time for it to present itself.

He was also tender in the sense (and as I have already said) with the outcasts of society, he wasn’t afraid to touch the people who were “unclean” by the standards of that time. He wasn’t afraid to cry either, but again, it was in the proper context. He is the man, that all men should strive to be like.

 

 

 

 

Agree or disagree, these are my thoughts!

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