The One and A Million

I’m beginning to think I’m doomed..

Doomed? You ask?

Yes… Doomed

From what? You respond

Finding a woman, and not just any woman.

One who is genuinely happy, encouraging, warm, affectionate and at peace… And a practicing Christian. But here’s the thing though, does a woman like that even live on earth? A lot of men seem to think not. Recently, I was listening to Eliot Hulse talk about this very type of a woman and my first thought was.

“Yeah, that’s probably not even real, and if it is, it’s probably one out of million.”

But as I have sat with that thought, the question comes to mind: What if waiting for that one and million is worth it? What if, I keep seeking God, bettering myself and wait for God to bring us to each other? That honestly seems so glorious to me.

And I get it too, women are different- very different actually and some are more emotional than others. People have problems, I get it. Yet on a personal level, I’m tired of dating women, in which I’m in store for something different each day. Unsure of what I’ll get. To be fair, some men act like women too and are just as emotional and frankly unstable.

To that I say, you need to start getting your poop in a group and act like a the man that God mad you.

It’s worth the wait, I promise you. And if you don’t find what you’re looking for, can you still be strong, happy and content?           

Why I’ve Pretty Much Given Up

On dating…

No, I’m not becoming one of these bitter men that hate women, though there was a time in my life where I was. I’ve grown tired of the search. Online dating is only leading me to dead ends. Most of the demographic are single moms. I have NOTHING against them, all I am going off of is past experience, and based off that I’d rather not go down that road again. Are they all going to be the same? Surely not, but wisdom says when you keep going down the same road, you get the same results.

I’d say that a good 86% of women in the world of online dating, either already have kids and don’t want to have anymore. Or quite simply don’t want to have kids or cannot have them. Which is a different context. It leaves me though, being thirty six and still living with the desire to have kids of my own some day.

The dating world is quite frustrating, because there’s two categories, category one is all the dating tips that one can get from so called experts on YT. But in reality, almost none of it actual works. Then there’s the second category which simply tells a person to simply be themselves. This also is a load a crap!

You know how many times I’ve tried being myself when dating a woman? Lots, and guess what it fails me every single time. Or so I thought, you see being a genuinely nice guy is great as long long as one is actually authentic about. My problem was, I never had the guts to speak my mind even if it meant rocking the boat.

This took me a while to learn, but I’m extremely thankful for learning the lesson none the less. Another part of me feels as though, that I’m simply not in a healthy position to date currently. It really, really, sucks having cerebral palsy and living in your parents house. Though, that hasn’t always been a problem. It sucks to have as a potential road block, though there are plans to move out. But the state of COVID, that’s taken a back seat.

To add to the equation, I simply don’t make the amount of money that women desire a man to have these days. I make my money through the avenues of personal training, writing and teaching self defense. For some reason that last one always gets me a weird look like “you.. teach martial arts… You making money doing that?” Yes, I do, and why that bring a smile to a woman’s face is beyond me. Knowing that he not only knows how to handle himself, but makes others safer too.. But I rest my case.

One might also suggest that I find someone like myself. Been there done that and I’m fairly certain I’d never do it again. I’ve done long distance before as well, and my heart longs for someone I can see and touch in a close radius. Yet, in all of this, there has been a peace and contentment that I never thought I’d find.

I don’t need a woman to make me happy, to have a sense of mission in life. I don’t need a woman to comfort me either. My faith and walk with God has gotten stronger, I like who I am and where I’m going in life. I do want someone to spend my life with though, however I’m simply not sure how it would workout. As mentioned before though, there’s two kinds of people: One says that you gotta go out there and get what one is looking for. And the other says (and which I find appealing) says that only God can bring you a wife.

The reason that I lean toward the second option, is largely because I’ve been on the pursuit before. And my God does it get exhausting quick. To be very blunt, I’m happy not dealing with drama, being happy with me as a person one moment, and then the next being unsure or completely losing it all together.

Is it even possibly to find someone who is fairly balanced out? I don’t know, what I do know is that I’m probably going to piss a few off with my prior statement. Oh well though. I know everyone has their crap and every relationship has problems, but I’m just tired of experiencing what I have over and over again.

Lastly, my parents tell me to stay single, but that is largely because they have their own pain. And my experience is not their own. I’m not really sure where the road will lead me, but I do know this, I am happy and complete. And where ever God leads I’m open to it.

Rethinking Success-For The Better

How do we define success?

How we answer this question, is more vital than we think or have allowed ourselves to believe. It is also imperative to our health and well-being. When we think about success, we typically think about how much money we have in the bank, how padded our retirement will be. The degree of education we have, where we live, who were married to. Even the level of health we have. These things, though they do carry a certain level of importance. I don’t believe that they are actually the most vital measure of success.

Think about it, does money actually make us happy? It can, but only for a fleeting moment. For me personally, I know that there is a huge propensity to always want more and more of it. And I know that I can’t take it with me when I die. Further, money cannot truly provide a real sense of joy and inner happiness. Even with a ton of money it can still make a person completely miserable. Unless you have a sense of peace and joy that is beyond financial comfort.

The same goes even with education, you can be the educated most of human beings. But if your education causes you look down on others who are less educated. Has it really done that much for you? You can the highest levels of education, and in the quiet of your mind and soul still compare yourself against someone one else. In my life, I hold having a college degree as a big deal. Because I was told that I was never smart enough for it, and I had to fight my way to get there, as well as finish.

The things that deem as being a success, might actual be doing us more harm than good. Just look at people around us, most of us hate the jobs we have, most don’t feel like we have discovered any sort of real passion and passion. We’ve been fed so many lies about what success actually is.

You know what I’ve come to realize though? While none of the things that I mentioned above are bad. I have come to the understanding that, if I can go through out my day, knowing that I’ve helped someone, woke up and managed to control the thoughts that come in and out of my head. I’ve succeeded, its been a good day! Do I stop striving an aiming up? No, but sense I’ve taken on this new perspective on success in my own life. I’ve been able to breath a lot easier and go through my life with so much more joy and peace.    

While You Wait (Thoughts on Relationship)

Relationships are complicated, tricky, frustrating and even heart breaking. And yet at the core of the human experience, we are meant for them. Though not every relationship is romantic, there is deep friendship and  the surface level friendships with people you see once in a while. I was never good at the romantic side of relationships, always saying the wrong things, doing the wrong things and over all going after all the wrong people.

It’s tough to sometimes look back on your history, and think wow, I have quite the string of failed relationships. Many of us have a lot of relational baggage if you will. I didn’t believe that I would every find anyone who would understand me or love me. Of course, my faith offers me great hope, comfort and peace. But still I wanted there to be a person, a human being in my life.

Flesh of my flesh

Bone of my bone.

I’m sure that people reading this can relate on some level or another, there was a season of my life where, my frustration grew at God. Wondering When he would provide some sort of answer to this longing inside me. I didn’t think it was “fair” that everyone else around me was happy and I wasn’t.    

I grew very annoyed with people who kept informing me, that things would happen when I least expected it. But, they were right! There came a point in the journey, where I simply decided to focus on bettering myself and helping others. As time went on, however, as I focused more on myself, pursuing my passions and helping others. I met my girlfriend. We are in a long distance relationship and met through a cerebral palsy group , started talking as friends and the rest is pretty much history.

            The point that I want to get across, is that there is hope. If you like me, long to find a significant other. Give it time, get to know yourself, become the person that you would like to date. Be comfortable in your own skin, love yourself. You and the relationship you enter will be better because of it. I love my girlfriend, so very much. She loves me in all the ways that my heart has always desired. We better each other in a lot of ways, but the one truth that I want to get across is that your significant other is not your savior.

The person you date and or marry, will let you down, frustrate you and maybe even break your heart. Which is why I believe that forgiveness is some vital in any relational context. It is extremely important to love how you want to be loved and forgive as you also want to be forgiven.

Once again, relationships are vital and the very DNA of human existence. But they are not the path the peace we all seek. To assume the reality that one person is going to take all of your sorrows and hardships away, is a sad reality and can lead you down some very destructives paths. As much as it pissed me off to hear, when I was single. Enjoy your singleness while you have, get to know yourself, your likes and dislikes. Really think about the person you want to be with, and the person you want to become. This is how you will begin to find fulfillment in yourself, and how you can only begin to love your significant other as well.         

Your Comfort is Killing You

If you value your own personal comfort, over your personal health and growth. You have a very big problem on your hands. I know that in our society, we truly value are comfort, but it might just be the one thing that is holding us back from living as our best self.

Comfort, I have found, stems from two factors:

Fear, fear is a biggie, that is hidden in comfort. For example, we fear going to the gym because we don’t like our own bodies and we fear what others might think of us. So we don’t go to the gym, we don’t break a sweat and most of us just end up back on the couch.

Which then leads into the second factor: Laziness, we all struggle with this. It’s easier to stay  in bed longer, it’s easy not to choose the right foods, its easier to skip the workout and its easier to do the things we know we should do.

What does that result in?

It results in us not growing, getting out of our comfort zones or learning anything about ourselves. The negative sides of our comfort far out weight the positive. This is exactly why we never see results in our over all health and personal goals, because we never step out onto the water so to speak.

So how to we break out of the comfort? How do we began to ditch the fear and laziness?

In the simplest terms, you and I have to do things you don’t want to do every single day. Do the pushups you don’t want to do, go for that run, apply for that job, go after that dream you have always wanted to go after. Talk to that person you have always wanted to talk to.

When we do that, we grow and are much more satisfied with the direction of our lives. I encourage everyone who reads this, to write down a list of goals that you want to accomplish.

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