Someone recently asked what my greatest struggle was, in regards to having cerebral palsy. I stopped and thought about my response, (as everyone should do). As I was thinking, it occurred to me that it wasn’t the amount of physical pain that I have to endure some days or the fact that I use crutches or even a wheelchair. It was more the fact that I have I have felt like a burden in the past.
The only thing that I have yet to do, on my own is drive. Yes, I am aware that there are adaptations, but my startle reflex is bad, that even with adaptations I’d ram into someone. Am I completely giving up on trying? No, but I have been told by doctors that driving is not safe for me.
As such, I still have to ask for rides to go from place to place. A lot of times it doesn’t feel very good to ask for rides, because that means that they have me to tag along with them. For me, it could be that my mind races with various thoughts and feelings, it could be a thought as simple as “I feel horrible taking up their time, what if they have better things to do.” Or worse yet “If I didn’t have CP then they wouldn’t have to deal with me.”
I know, it’s self-pity, but these are the real thoughts and feelings that have flown through the mental, emotional and even spiritual aspects of my being. Sometimes it feels like it’s all at once. When this happens, I often raise my fist toward God and blame Him for the life that I have.
But honestly, He has been pretty damn good to me, without my adaptive requirements. I wouldn’t be able to do have the things that I am doing now. Furthermore, I am thankful for everyone that has ever helped me get somewhere. The fact is, like anyone else I have really crappy days. Yet I try and pick myself off the ground by Gods grace.
The hope that I do have, though, is that all this “burden” **** is a lie, if you are like me and have struggled with driving unless you have a hundred percent proof that you can’t do it.You probably shouldn’t, but if you can still try, you should. And that goes for any goal in life. One should never feel ashamed by the physically challenged community for doing something on their timeline.
For it is your journey and no one else’s, and if people are not willing to help you. It’s their problem and loss more than anything because they missed out on the blessing of being in your life.
You matter. Don’t let anyone take that from you.
2 thoughts on “When Your Not Actually A Burden”
I’m sorry that you have felt like that. You’re handling it like a boss though. This post is perfect.
Thanks so much, I hope life is well for you!